The dark cloud

I am overwhelmed and it is like a dark, black cloud flying in the air above me. I find myself reverting to the heart wrenching fears, doubt, and pain I felt before Gage was born. After a long, nerve racking day at work; I made my way to get the boys from daycare. I felt the stress moving through my veins and felt the energy leaving my body. I had no choice, suck it up Falen! Is what I told myself as stepped out of the car. I got them home and I felt my world crumbling as Garrett starting crying in his high chair, and Gage screamed to the top of his lungs in the bouncy seat. Breathe, you can do this….I made Garrett a grilled cheese and cut up a banana. David was on his way home. Gage’s bottle was finally warm and he was happy as soon as the bottle hit his cute, little lips. As the tears fell from my eyes, all I wanted was the cloud of overwhelming feelings to move on to another part of the world. I prayed to God for strength and forgiveness that I was once again questioning him. I also asked God to help me understand why I was chosen for this journey, and what my purpose is.

At this moment, my plate is completely full. I work full time in an extremely demanding office (but I am grateful for my job!), have 2 growing boys who keep me on my toes, moving to a new house, and trying to lose this baby weight. Let me rephrase that, Get rid of the baby weight because I never want to find it again! I am struggling to find the balance my life so desperately needs.

For now, all I can do is take life one step at a time and pray that The Lord gives me strength. I will not let life bring me down and defeat me. These little faces are my reason for digging deep and continuing my journey!

Crazy, all over the place, stressful, amazing life!!!

It’s been too long since I’ve grabbed my iPad and sat down for a good blogging 😉 just like the title of this post reads, life has been just that since I went back to work on Jan. 2nd. So here is a quick synopsis. 😉

Work is nuts and stressful. My goal for this coming week- 1 task at a time and tune out all the nonsense. I do love my job but I let the small stuff build up until I am so overwhelmed that I want to scream. I refuse to continue where I left off before Gage was born. On top of being 9 months pregnant, I was completely overwhelmed with training my replacement and the day to day tasks that needed my attention. No more stress!! This week and every day after, I will do what I can, one task at a time!

Moving!!!!! For the last couple months, David and I have been looking for homes to rent. We are finally getting out of the townhouse!! Praise God! This house is just in no way shape or form, a good fit for our family. It was amazing as a starter home for just the 2 of us, or even just us and Garrett. Now that we have 2 babies, it just doesn’t make sense. Last Tuesday we went with our friend and realtor to look at a home in Copper Ridge, which is the neighborhood across from the daycare. The pictures online were great and I was excited to see if this home was as beautiful in person. We had looked at a home in another area of the same neighborhood that was quite disappointing, the previous week. We pulled up to the house and the outside was pretty nice, but once we walked inside and had a look at just the living room and kitchen, I could see my family living in this home. I knew it was the one. 🙂 We have been approved and will be signing paperwork later this week. David and I started packing earlier tonight. We will get the keys on the 31st and start moving in on Feb. 1st. I am so incredibly excited about living in a home that does not have stairs, has a fenced back yard and a beautiful kitchen.

The boys: Garrett got his leg stuck in between the rails of his crib this morning. 😦 He gave me a scare for sure. I could not get his little leg free. I put petroleum jelly on his leg and tried to free it but he would scream as I did. Poor baby. Thank god that my mom was able to come over. I pulled the rails and she was able to free his leg. He was back no running around in no time! He is all boy!
Gage is amazing! He is starting to coo and we all love the sounds he makes. This weekend was definitely exhausting. David had to work both days, so it was just me and the boys. Tomorrow they will get some quality boy time, just the 3 of them. This has not happened for more than a few hours since Gage was born. I know David will be fine though. He is an amazing daddy!

Fitness and health: I ended up with another bladder infection about 10 days ago. 😦 the dr gave me antibiotics and I drank a ton of cranberry juice of course. All is good now. But I sure hate them! It did hinder my plans for going back to the gym, only by a week though. I have been doing a 15-30 minute workout at home 3 times a week for the last week. I went to the gym with my best friend last Wednesday. It was a bit overwhelming. I hadn’t been in a gym in over a year and the gym she goes to is full of people who work out for a living! Lol lets just say there weren’t too many people like us there. I will not give up! Another thing I have been doing is drinking a green smoothie for breakfast every morning since last Monday. I am obsessed! I know many people have different opinions, but I absolutely love them. I tweaked a recipe I found and I might try some variations this week, so be on the lookout. Below is my current go to recipe.

Green Smoothie
1 banana
6 ounces low fat vanilla Greek yogurt
1/2 cup of ice
2 handfuls of spinach

It keeps me full and tastes great! Another thing I did was add an app on my phone called water your body. I even got my mom on it too. You put in your current weight and it lets you know the recommended amount of water you need to drink daily, then notifies you every hour to drink and record your water intake. You can set it to only send notifications during the hours you chose. I have been drinking about 60 to 80 ounces daily. My first reminder goes off at 9am and the last one at 10pm. My current weight is 173. I still have a long way to go, but every day I am making progress.

The hubby: we are hoping David gets a promotion very soon! He worked today so he can learn to run the store alone. His boss is also teaching him to do more in his manager role. I am so incredibly proud of him. 🙂

Since I went back to work, I have been on edge….ALOT! I will admit that I have not been extremely pleasant to be around lately and I am thinking I need to look up a cute little Dating Diva’s idea. 😉

Even though life has been well just crazy lately, my family continues to be blessed by our amazing God! I could not be more thankful for this crazy, all over the place, stressful, amazing life!

Today’s Bible Verse

For every house is builded by some man; but he that built all things is God. – Hebrews 3:4

Today’s Bible Verse

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. – Ephesians 6:13

Daily Bible Verse

Let every thing thst hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.
– Psalms 150:6

Daily Bible Verse

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
– Proverbs 13:12

Workin Mama

Well last week was all over the place. Last Wednesday I went back to work. It was really hard. I cried all day on Tuesday and frequently Wednesday and Thursday, not letting anyone see how sad I was though. Friday was much better for me and I’m pretty sure that after this week is over, I will be in my new routine and not tear up when I put the boys in David’s car in the mornings.

I must tell you about Thursday. I left my office at 4pm and headed straight to the daycare to pick up the boys. It was nasty out and raining. My first thought, I don’t have an umbrella and I have to carry a 13 month old and a 2 month old who is in a car seat out to my car. Thank God it stopped raining. We got home about 5ish. Garrett was ready for dinner, so I put him in his high chair. I had Gage is him bouncy on the couch but he wasn’t happy each time I walked away, so I put him in the dining room with Garrett. That made him much happier. I do think the boys are starting to realize each other and want to be together. While Garrett was eating I was working on dinner, Baked chicken breasts, roasted sweet and white potatoes with bacon and onion, and roasted zucchini. It was all in the oven by 5:45. David got home from work around 6:15. While he was feeding Gage, I was giving Garrett his bath. David and Gage came up stairs and both boys were in bed and David and I were sitting down eating dinner at 7:05pm! Bam! I did it! All the worrying and stressing was ridiculous. Each day will be different, as they have been since I found out I would be the mama to Irish twins, but I will continue to have faith, learn from every experience, and be thankful for this wonderful, crazy life. God chose me to be Garrett and Gage’s mama, and I will be the best mama I can!

So here is what I have learned in the last 2 months and my advice for any Irish twin mamas. First, have faith in God. He would not give you anything he knew you could not handle. Second, believe in yourself, you can do more than you ever thought you were womanly possible of doing. Third, have a good cry every now and then. Don’t be afraid of your emotions!!! Being pregnant back to back and giving birth to 2 children in less than 1 year is hard on your body emotionally and physically. Let it out!! You will never become positive if you don’t rid yourself of negativity, and to be honest that’s how I get rid of my negativity sometimes. I cry and pray and ask for strength, and then tell myself to get it together! Forth and finally, DO NOT try to plan every little second of your life. The more I have tried to plan lately, the worse things go. As I have mentioned before I am a HUGE planner. I will have a post on this topic alone very soon because there is just so much I want to talk about. Just take everything one step at a time and don’t freak if your plan doesn’t go exact. Guide your plan as you go and make changes because trust me change happens all too often. Here I go on a blab lol and I just told y’all to keep an eye out for a future post. 😉 Ok, I think that’s all I have for now. I know I will learn more everyday to share with you. As we all know babies don’t come with a manual. 😉

Today’s Bible Verse

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. Namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not reckoning to them their trespasses, and having committed to us the word of reconciliation.
– 2 Corinthians 5:17, 19

Back to work woes

Well it’s that time again, tomorrow I will return to work. The last 2 months have gone by extremely fast! I am feeling really anxious about this. I though it would be so much easier since I already have 1 child in daycare but nope. I found myself in tears the last 2 days while talking to David about it. I think I am feeling this way because I never really got to experience what it’s like to not have a baby in my belly or in my arms. I found out I was 5 or 6 weeks pregnant with Gage when Garrett was 3 months old. I had only been back at work for a month. So I have always had a baby “with me” since March of 2011. Also, like I have mentioned before, Gage is a little more special to me because of the issue I had early in my pregnancy with him. I think that is another reason for my anxiety. I have complete faith in our daycare, but for some reason I am just not ready to let go of Gage. But Wednesday is the day and I have no choice. Back to work this mama must go. I’m sure in a couple weeks I will have our new routine all set and be completely fine. For now I am going to love on my babies. Poor Garrett has a fever. 😦